Super Bowl 50, a Super Bust

For Super Bowl 50 the NFL and Seal brought together some actual Super Bowl Babies to recreate one of the greatest love songs of all time to celebrate the greatest game of all time. Click on CC to view the song lyrics.

Super Bowl 50 is in the history books and in case you missed it, it was a pretty boring game. The game also featured Lady Gaga singing the national anthem and a bloated half-time mash-up featuring Coldplay, Bruno Mars and Beyoncé paying tribute to past Super Bowl performances. If the ratings are an indicator of success, Super Bowl 50 viewership was down slightly from last year according to Nielsen. As one of those viewers, I'd have to agree that the only redeeming aspect of my evening was spending it with family, friends and puppymonkeybaby.

Super Bowl is supposed to be the pinnacle of American sports experiences, yet despite the star-power and the occasionally funny commercials, it was as drab as watching the Oscars. We were promised some of today's mega-stars, but instead got mega-dull performances. I can't imagine being there was any better, certainly for Carolina fans and anyone that overpaid to be there, namely anyone who bought a ticket. All kidding aside, Denver fans are on a Rocky Mountain High this morning with only their second win in their 56-year franchise history.

With only three touchdowns and a handful of field goals, the Denver Broncos played a steady game, showing grace and maturity by 39-year old quarterback Payton Manning. The Carolina Panthers, on the other hand, crumbled under the pressure of the Broncos defense. Their 26-year old quarterback Cam Newton seemed to lose his head after a botched pass and end zone fumble that resulted in a touchdown for the Broncos in the first quarter. Although the Panthers recovered early in the second quarter with a touchdown of their own, it would be their only one. The final was 10-24 Denver. Yawn.

Sports games can go either way, you never know what you're gonna get. That's typically part of the draw to many sporting events besides seeing your favorite teams and athletes play. It's not like it's scripted, right? Actually, it is. It's not just the game we're watching, it's an event that millions share. From the food, friends, commercials and performances, there is generally a lot of fun to be had and eye candy to watch. This time around, though, you had mega stars practically phoning in their performances, opting to groove and gyrate rather than sing. Lady Gaga was practically stationary belting out our national anthem in comparison to the frenetic half-time performances of a skipping and frolicking lead singer of Coldplay, Bruno Mars dancing like MC Hammer, and the pelvic thrusting and squat popping Beyoncé. You just can't sing well jumping around like a puppymonkeybaby. It was all downhill from Lady Gaga. And did we really need Coldplay? Boring.

As for the tribute to past Super Bowls, meh...okay, nothing to get excited about, unless reveling in seeing dead performers in a Super Bowl montage dating back to 1967 1993 is what the experience has come to after 50 years. Seeing Whitney Houston, James Brown and Michael Jackson reminded me how sad it is that we lost such incredible talent before their time. I don't really think the NFL needed a sentimental moment for Super Bowl 50, we already achieved it during Super Bowl XXXVI (36) on Feb 3, 2002, with U2 paying tribute to 9/11. It was appropriate and was what the country needed at the time. Super Bowl XXXVI stands on its own.

Yet, for Super Bowl 50, the NFL let us in on some really remarkable data that suggests that post-game sexy-time is a thing, specifically by those rooting for the winning teams. To illustrate this, toddlers, teens and adults were singing about it to the tune of Kiss From A Rose by Seal. Sentimental, right? WTF! We needed this like a Cialis commercial. Wait, how did a Cialis commerical NOT follow this NFL music video? Missed opportunity.

Speaking of missed opportunities, Super Bowl 50 should have been about looking forward to the future of the sport. With increasing awareness of head trauma as a result of concussions and new technologies like virtual reality, there is so much the league could have done to showcase and even get in front of the future of the sport. Right now, technology is part of the NFL marketing machine and that's all they really care about. They could have made a huge debut with a partner like Samsung and showcased the sport infused with technology. Instead we got a diarrhea commercial, plenty of beer and car, and puppymonkeybaby. You can see them all at the NFL site. Super Bowl 50 was a dud and I missed all the other popular brands this years. I'm wondering if the lack of most of the popular brands making an appearance at Super Bowl 50 is an indication that many are looking at it and wondering if their money might be spent better elsewhere.

On a final note, an observation really, the NFL clearly doesn't think we're sophisticated enough to handle Roman numerals beyond 49.

XLIX = 49
L = 50